In the spirit of ‘inner resistance’
We all know about those incidents when we are asked to do something that we don’t really want to do. – Right?
We also know about those incidents when we should really say ‘No’ but instead say ‘Yes’. A heightened level of this aspect would be the person doing something for somebody else without actually having been asked to do so.
Here though, let us look at the first two cases: The case of ‘inner resistance’ and the case of clearly saying ‘No’.
1. Inner resistance
In the case of a ‘classic’ inner resistance experience we are asked to do something that may or may not be our actual responsibility to do. For instance: If a mother asks one of her children to bring up some water from the cellar this kid could go into a long tirade about how it is not fair that he always has to fetch the water and not his brother, etc. etc. He will go into a lengthy argument with his mother. In the normal course of events he probably will lose the argument, as by that time it has become a question of authority and respect-your-mother-issue. However, this small incident which takes a minute to execute (fetch the water from the cellar) will have drained the energy of both – mother and son. You get the picture, I am sure.
At work, we see similar incidents on a daily basis. However, who will win the argument is not so clear and depends on who does the bidding. Also, more often than not, the inner resistance of a person will not manifest so clearly as in the son-mother-case. Once resistance starts building up though, energy will plummet and the person concerned is in danger of becoming a really unhappy camper.
In other words: Once you realize that you are going to have to do something – JUST DO IT!
Try and do it with a happy attitude versus a grumbling one. Why? – Well, it is first of all your body, your mind that is affected. Your body, your mind does not care whether the bidding is justified or not. The body reacts just the same. And when one is full of resistance and anger it will obviously not react in the same positive way as when it is in a non-resistant mood.
Of course, there are cases, when it is necessary to say a clear ‘NO’. These days there are many workshops offered on this topic of learning to say ‘NO’. In our society it is fast becoming the new Mantra as a way to happiness. Hm.
Saying a clear and healthy ‘No’ is clearly not the same as going into resistance. For one, when you go into resistance you more often than not have a very guilty conscience in the process as, deep down, you probably know that you should do whatever is asked.
In the case of the ‘No’ it is a more of a matter of leaving responsibility with the person it belongs to. In other words: If a person is capable of doing it themselves and it belongs in their sphere of responsibility, let them do it themselves. If we keep doing things for other people that they ought to do themselves three things may happen:
- We deprive the person of the learning experience.
- The other person expects you to do the bidding for them which then eventually may lead to animosity and a manipulative behaviour on both sides.
- We create dependencies.
It is obviously not an easy matter to be able to differentiate when it is a case of ‘inner resistance’ and/or a case of having to say ‘No’. Find out more on this topic in the upcoming e-book. OM.